Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
