I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
