and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
