ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
