I think my vagina is haunted
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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