After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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