He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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