Will you blow on my dice?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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