forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
