you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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