planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's always time for handjobs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
