I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
