i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
