I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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