You smell like stripper and shame
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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