I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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