just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
