Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Im part way to drunk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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