If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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