Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
