kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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