how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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