I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
