My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
