you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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