dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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