I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
