What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
