sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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