the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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