Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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