hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
