there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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