I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
