I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
