Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
