Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
