My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
