Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
