This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
