I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
