you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
