So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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