Only a mothe r could love this liver
My balls are so social today.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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