Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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