Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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