I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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