there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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