Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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