We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
