You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
