Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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