he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
