I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
