I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize