this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
